纪念恩师 Justine A. Fitzgerald Juarez

去年10月恩师 Justine A. Fitzgerald Juarez 离世后，我写下了这封信。

Hi Connie, Mark, and Tom,

This is Justin, Justine's Chinese student and good friend. As my US visa expired, I am unable to travel to attend Justine's remembrance service. So I am writing to pour my heart to you.

Let me start by sending you and your family condolences from Beijing. I was heart-broken and sank into abyss of sadness when I heard Justine passed away. She is such a dedicated teacher and mentor, a selfless giver, a loving friend, and simply a beautiful human being that her passing away shattered my entire being.  

I am sorry for the immeasurable loss of Justine. She will be sorely missed.

I cannot help recalling our friendship, phone calls, letters and cards Justine wrote, books she sent, and her smiling face.

Last time we spoke was this past June. Earlier I was in San Francisco. I planned to visit her in Chandler, AZ, but didn't. I wish I did because it'd be the last chance to be around her and catch up.

I came back to Beijing to join a startup in July. When I was leaving at the San Jose airport, I called Justine with the hope of getting hold of her and saying goodbye. No one answered the phone. I left a voice message. I hope she had the chance to hear it.

Justine means so much to me that I'd like to chronicle our friendship.

When I entered college, I was immediately aware of Justine--the "American expert"--on campus. A couple of weeks into the first semester, when I tried to talk to Justine for the first time, she said she already heard about me.

I was so eager to learn English writing that I couldn't wait until the second year to take her classes. So I requested to sit in the sophomore class Justine was teaching, and she gave me the go-ahead. The request was unusual, so was the approval. That's when I began to think anew about writing in English.

In the sophomore year, I remember writing short pieces that Justine always carefully revised. I remember writing the first piece, about an item--my emergency lamp, then the college library, colors, 21-gun salute, Oreo cookies in China, jail system in the US, Brazilians in Japan, a bizarre accident in China. The topics were fascinating and eye-opening.

My disobedient behaviors in class--disagreeing with Justine, pointing out her misspellings, clarifying what Justine vaguely knew--were largely tolerated, and even encouraged. I felt the ecstasy of being able to be myself, something I never took for guaranteed.

To get the most out of Justine's classes, I took two versions of notes--one, the points that were related to the class; the other, vocabulary (e.g. paucity, fraudulent, euphoria, dearth) and idioms Justine used. Every class was absolutely a joy.

We kept in touch after Justine came back to the US.

I sent her GRE essays and she would carefully read everything and always gave me helpful feedback. I would reread what I wrote and read out loud what she'd written. It helped me train a more sensitive ear.

Justine was one of the two recommendation letter writers who helped send me to St. John's College in Maryland. I was excited to meet Justine and Tom in Philly. A year later, I visited Justine, Tom and Sean again in Bordentown, and we drove to see August Wilson's Radio Golf in Camden. The next day we talked about her mom, children, and grandchildren by Tom's house. Tom and Justine drove me to Greyhound station in Philly, and we parted.

I see striking parallels between Justine and my maternal grandma, and I always refer to Justine "my American grandma" to my friends. According to Buddhism, one doesn't die. I am a strong believer. I know I am connected to Justine.

I am so grateful I met Justine and I am proud of her in every way.

Be well,

Justin

Oct. 26th, 2015